WHY should the presence of my children on a holiday or in a restaurant or theatre ruin other people’s day?
They are just children, small people who can behave far better than many adults. So please don’t make assumptions about them. They aren’t about to scream the place down, lift up their dress to show their knickers or fart like there’s no-one listening.
HOW do you cope when your arrival leads to an immediate and sharp intake of breath from the other customers?
Why are you scrutinised as if you have at worst just committed mass murder or at best tracked a heavy dose of dog mess into a prized rug? Why is it that even the best behaved of children can provoke the most extreme reactions?
I once read an interesting piece in the Guardian Family section on a village where children are banned. Yes you read it right, banned.
Just weeks ago I watched in silent amazement as a woman huffed her way out of a supermarket cafe muttering about “screaming kids” after a baby boy had the most modest of whimpers.
Sitting down to Sunday lunch in a country pub, however close to the cosy fire your family is, you’ll often feel a distinct chill in the air.
The atmosphere can make you decidedly ill at ease.So what is it about your presence that so often proves so unsavoury to the other diners?
If you were venturing into a three-starred Michelin eatery with two screaming toddlers then I’d understand the frosty glares.But when it’s a cheap and cheerful place – often even with its own resident bloke in a bear suit or woman dressed like the saddest clown you’ve ever seen – you’ll still feel like the girl picked last for netball.
When we ate out with our girls in the early days, they were without fail their usual unobtrusive selves – no tantrums, no tears, no running around and no filling of nappies – they saved that for when they got home.
But still people seemed offended by our blatant show of fertility. Not that we ate out often. Once in a blue moon more like. The stress of the disapproving glances became a bit much for me.
I’d really liked to have literally stuck two fingers up at all the snooty onlookers. But of course I didn’t want to make things more unpleasant than they already were.These days I’m past caring. Children are people too! I’m reliably informed there are now even organisations campaigning for the rights of non-parents.I’m baffled as to what it is they could possibly do.Perhaps they go on placard waving missions to Wacky Warehouses and ring up ITV to complain about Dancing on Ice being recommissioned.
Whatever it is, there’s evidently an increasing army of eager new recruits and judging by our reception in certain restaurants, they’re fighting dirty.